meh

So I'm using the Wii to do this. It's a little annoying. Not very efficient. But, hey, it gives me something to do.
The mexicans must be drunk again. Their music is pretty loud for how late it is.
So, my life sucks. I really haven't been happy for a while. So long that I can't even imagine myself being happy anymore. The combination of being completely broke and having a boyfriend who is also completely broke but wants to give me everything in the world is a little too much for me. Sometimes I'd really rather be suffering on my own than have to listen to Bryan yell at me about how bad I'm doing. Yeah, like I don't know or something. Fuck head.
The only reason he yells is because HE can't handle it. Yeah, I'm in a really bad place and it's going to take a lot of time and effort to get out of it, but I'm okay with that. I'm willing to simply do what I can and then wait it out until the storm blows over. But Bryan can't do that. He has to freak out. At me. I don't know how much more of his apologies I can take. I don't even bother accepting them verbally anymore because I know he'd do it anyway.
Why? Because he's madly in love with me. I'm the world to him. He wants to marry me just to show everyone how much he cares for me. But he also has a temper and I don't deserve to be the butt of his frustrations. He gets mad at me for being "negative" (just like Tim gets mad at Mom) but how do I tell him he's a negative influence in my life right now? Every day I try to stay calm and he wigs out because he doesn't know what it's fucking like to be poor.
The other day I told him I wanted to be left alone. We didn't really talk for a couple of days.
I don't even care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. That's all I think about. I don't give a fuck. About anything. Seriously. Fuck everybody.

Sometimes I wonder how the hell I'm ever going to make new friends. What can I talk about with people? How I can't buy food? The snobs I went to Brooks with that killed all of my self confidence? What the hell can I say?

I was 20 minutes late for work today because it turns out the buses ran on a Sunday schedule, on account of it being Christmas eve. The bus I usually take doesn't even run on Sundays.
(Fuck Christmas, too)

So, my room mate Chanay is bringing a cat home. A 6 month old kitten named Joey. That's probably the best news I've heard in like 9 months. I think it's even better news than gettin the job at Victoria's Secret...which fucking SUCKS, by the way. My boss totally ignores me so I always get off work like half an hour late. Today it was 45 minutes. I don't mind doing the extra work, and I definitely need the money. But it just pisses me off that she does that to me. I'll tell her my shift is over, so she tells me to do more work. I'm already looking for a different job.
It's not like I wanted to get on here and blog about how resentful I am. I just don't have anything else to do. I really don't.
I have a feeling the next 3 days are going to be very difficult to endure. On Sunday I have a call-in shift, which means I have to call in and see if they need me. If I don't have to work, I'm going to find the guy that gives free hugs and join him. His name is Jerry. It's very hard to keep my hippie spirit going nowadays.